English is weird…

The following text is completely in English, and I’m sorry guys but I can’t translate it; it wouldn’t make any sense in Portuguese. So, for those who understand, the text is here, and you won’t regret reading it, ‘cause it’s really funny (and think about it… isn’t it true?); for those who don’t… yeap, I’m sorry again. Have fun!

I don’t own the rights. It’s from a book of Wizard… Book 10, Lesson 2

[O texto a seguir está completamente em inglês, e desculpe pessoal, mas não posso traduzi-lo; não faria nenhum sentido em português. Então, para os que entendem, o texto está aqui, vocês não vão se arrepender de lê-lo, porque é bem engraçado (e pense sobre isso… não é verdade?); para aqueles que não entendem… é, desculpe-me de novo. Divirtam-se!]

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let’s face it: English is a weird language. There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburguer, and neither pine or apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing? If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!!!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race which of course isn’t a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible… And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts, but when I wind up this observation it ends.